Saturday, December 18, 2010

Last Christmas

The other day I was listening to the "All Christmas All the Time" radio program in my area and one of the announcers said that there was a vote in Bulgaria for the most annoying Christmas song. I, along with the announcer was surprised to hear it was "Last Christmas" by Wham. It is not that I do not think that this song seeks its own level of annoying, its just that there are so many other choices.   Why this one? I thought about it last night and I came up with a notion that this song just hits home for me at a very vulnerable time. Every time I hear this song, snappy as it might be, I think of the negative and unsatisfying feelings associated with frivolous and unproductive relationships. How festive. It caused me to think about about my relationships, and how I could do a better job at being a friend, mother, daughter, and sister, lover and partner this Christmas and on into the new year.

Listening to Last Christmas, I have to admit that while I know the feelings associated with the lyrics, they no longer hold any emotional impact on me.  It is comforting to discover this now. It is a wonderful Christmas gift to realize that time and experience can equal healing in a very positive direction. I was talking to one of my dearest friends and business partner yesterday and I told him that 2010 was the worst year we ever lived through, and somehow still one of the best. We did things in 2010 together that I wonder if we would have bothered to do if our life events were not so horrible. I know that if I had faced this year alone I would have flown off the world. Instead I accepted his wisdom and knowledge and navigated myself through changes that placed me in a much better position for living.  I realized that in spite of the hits we both took, the road brought us to a place where we will appreciate our successes all the more.  I treasure this friendship. I treasure this partnership. Sometimes you meet someone thinking one thing and then find out something entirely different is there, something that not too many people ever get to stumble on. I see this as limitless, even as he and I separately and together face some of the strictest limits we have ever had to live with.  The work in front of us is huge. There are physical challenges. There are logistical challenges. There are financial challenges. There are personal life challenges. There is a huge fear factor.  I smile when I think about how crazy we must really be to even consider it.  Especially now. It would be easy for both of us to just shut down and run away and hide from the jagged mountain that we both face in front of us.


For some people, the fast escape is their "go to" maneuver.  When faced with difficulty or the need for self-discovery and change, they shut down, and run back to whatever behavior or environment comforts them like a womb. The only trouble with that retreat solution is that eventually the thing  a person runs from surfaces up in front of them from right inside and cuts them off at every turn. All of a sudden the freedom that was so attractive once again becomes the prison because nothing ever really changed.  Such a person learns to hate mirrors and avoids them at all cost. Along the course of this year he and I have both considered the retreat solution, and yet we know that what we hold in our hands is far more valuable and necessary to nurture. In the past years, we individually wore ourselves down in our endeavors suffering. Just as Sisyphus felt the agony of pushing the stone up the hill only to have it roll back down again in the 11th hour, we came together last year telling the same tale to each other. What we found this year is that our goals and talents dovetailed and coming together yields positive results. Facing this realization makes the retreat solution impossible. It is Christmastime again and here we both are at the bottom of the mountain looking at the biggest stone we have ever seen in our lives and here we go again, only this time, we did a little homework, and now we are going to push it together. I really think we are going to get somewhere this time.


I have been listening to this song while writing my thoughts this morning and I have to admit, it sounds like a weak willed ball of confusion. The video depicts adults doing childish things, with really big hair. Someone  ends up crying....I am with the Bulgarians...this is my pick for the years most annoying Christmas song. 


                                 And may all your Christmases be bright!


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